An Open Letter to My Eternal Bestie

This isn't one of those letters where I say "I know you are where the Lord wants you to be right now and I have faith we will recognize each other when the time is right." Sappy crap.

This is a legit letter to you.

But I do pray for you every night, so you better be being basically good.

I don't the know where you are tonight....

But you are in the wrong place.


I made a very delicious dinner, you probably had a can of chili or some other bachelor food. Time to stop that business and get yourself a wife. The house is clean, basically, and I fixed the downstairs toilet... basically. It needs a man.

I have been on one this week. I have been FUNNY. I'm not even kidding. I have laughed until it hurt multiple times a day. You are missing it. I can't write ALL this stuff down. Do you know Wednesday night at the temple, I made my entire session laugh so hard they almost had to pause the session? I need to set a better example. I need you to tell me to behave myself.

There is an extra spot for you here on the couch tonight, and you don't want to miss Duck Dynasty. They are teaching me how to be a better woman. I hope you like squirrel because I found the recipe online. I'm kidding... we can have chicken.

I know that since you are straight you probably haven't learned your part of the Elephant Love Medley from Moulin Rouge yet. Remember that I sing Ewan's parts and you get Nicole's. P.S. I know I can't sing but you like it. ALMOST as much as you like when I write you songs on my hot pink guitar that only has 4 strings. I am good at this game.

I started Yoga again. You are welcome.

Oh and Charlie says to hurry up. He agrees you are in the wrong place tonight. He is ready to get this party started... but he needs a body first.

You are out of excuses. I don't care if you are saving all the starving kids in Africa right now. Come find me and we can save the world, one happily tucked in baby, one night at a time... Oops... got a little sappy there. Maybe imagine they wake up in a hour and they peed the bed. Sappiness over...

Oh and it's your turn to get up with them tonight.

Hey, I'm not the one who caved and let them have juice right before bed.


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