Nothing Really

I was going to write a post about the Aggie Shuttle
But as I was writing it (and laughing out loud) I realized the stories are funny because of how absolutely insane other people behave while in public. I could write about them, and we could all laugh. But we would be laughing AT someone. Somehow that just didn't feel right to me. Just know that CRAZY, insane things happened to me almost everyday on the shuttle.

I miss it.

* * * * *

Last night I made homemade carne asada.

You are jealous I know.

But that is not the point of the story.

I decided, allergic or not, I was going to load that tortilla up with some spicy guacamole.
It just seemed essential and Katy wasn't home to tell me no.

But she came home while I was blissfully up to my eyeballs in guacamole and carne asada deliciousness.

So through bites I said to her "I know, I know, but I am committing blissful suicide right now."

She thought I said I was committing emotional suicide and was concerned.

What do you think emotional suicide consists of?

Watching Mormon Messages until you have no tears left to cry?

* * * * *

I retired from my Friday night shift at the temple.
It is breaking my heart a little because I am missing the people I worked with.
I just figured with my Wednesday night temple shift that I should leave one night a week for me.
I don't even remember what it is like to have a free Friday night.
What are single people doing these days on a Friday night?

I am going to the gallery stroll then to a movie.
What do you do on a Friday night?


For Zac

This made me think of you today.
It couldn't be more accurate of you and myself.
Except that your nose is more attractive than Cyclist Jeff's. 
And for the record...
Even when we have CRAZY misunderstandings...
I love you 18!
If you EVER question that again I will hurt you.



Last night I was chatting with a friend in my car and I said "I wish that there was a way I could tell boys I am safe."

My friend asked what I meant by that. Well here is what I mean and what I wish I could just hand to boys on a little note card.

If you want to take me on a date I will see that as a sign that, as my dad says "you don't feel neutral towards me."

If you take me on 2 or 3 more dates I will take that as a sign that you enjoy my company, and are deciding if you would like to take me on 2 or 3 more.

If at any point in this process you decided that:
1) I am fantastic, amazing, and sexy and you want to hold my hand, please do.
2) That I would make a great best friend, tell me. I am a big girl and while I may be disappointed, I won't be crushed. I would love to be friends. I am great at being friends.
3) You want to take me on a few more dates. Let's set something up.
 I feel like dating can and should be that simple. One date doesn't have to mean anything more than you would like to get to know someone better. And a date doesn't have to be anything more than a nice long walk where you tell me all about you so I can decided if I want to say yes to 2 or 3 more dates.

I might draw up a dating agreement. Just for fun like I did with traveling. 


The One With Kyle's "Book"

and other odd Kyle type experiences...

I asked Kyle when we could be friends again.
He said "NEVER!"
I said "yesterday?"
he said do you have dinner plans?

Let me tell you quickly about Kyle's book.
He was giving a thought once for ward prayer or something and he used a quote from some book. Afterwards our friend Casey said "Hey Kyle can I see your book?" To which Kyle responded by standing up and turning his posterior towards Casey. We all just kind of stared at each other and giggled a little until Kyle says "Oh I thought you asked if you could see my butt."

Which made things even funnier and more awkward because why was he so willing to display it? So we tease him all the time about "his book." On Sunday, right after I asked to be friends again, Katy told him that his book was looking really nice. To which he responded "STOP looking." To which I responded "but Kyle I really like to read."

So later when I found this on Pinterest I couldn't stop myself from posting it to his wall.

Later he was napping while I was doing dishes, and throwing away all of his junk mail, don't worry he likes it. He had only been asleep, as far as I could tell, for a minute or two when he sits up, says" That was really strange" and goes back to sleep. What an odd kid, I mean man.


My Glove Box

The other day I was in someone else's car and we were looking for something to write on so he opened up his glove box. Inside was his owners manual, a first aid kit, and a neatly folded hand out from Sunday school
I thought of my own glove box.
Cut to a week or so later... Leah and I are on our way back from Vegas and we stop to get some cold medicine for me. I run into the store while Leah waits outside.
When I get back Leah says "I took the liberty of going through your glove box! I found all kinds of treasures.
"Um you didn't happen to find something real gross wrapped up in a napkin did you?"
"Um no, gross."
"Oh don't worry it's just my shutter button. What did you find?"
"Well to start with... COLD MEDICINE, sunglasses, and some floss."
So while waiting for my bountiful basket this morning I decided to go through it. I made an inventory list. The only thing I tossed was an old registration.
Window markers in two colors
Chik-fil-a sauce
Cough drops
Pink leopard print gloves
Current registration
Menu from East Coast Subs
Owners manual
Map of Idaho
List of songs to download
Box of Sharpies
Note on how to get old W-2s from Lowes
Spare brake light
Sports wrap
The super gross shutter button
Many pens
Nail polish (pink)
Mouth wash
Box knife
Screw driver
Dental floss
Chinese hot Mustard
Pain reliever
Pearl necklace (real, not costume)
I am prepared for all kinds of strange eventualities. Maybe I will find a way to use them all, or make up a bedtime story that references all the items, OR better yet see if I can apply them all to a gospel principle. 
P.S. The shutter button story is as follows: My favorite DSLR camera is not my Canon but my Fuji. True story. However the shutter button fell off the Fuji. So I just carried it around and stuck it back on temporarily when I needed it. One time it happened to be in my cup holder, unbeknownst to myself, when a Diet Coke was spilled. It wasn't a little spill it filled both cup holders in the console. I had no napkins or anything so we went about our business and I decided to clean it when we arrived home. Unfortunately by then the water had evaporated and all that was left was my shutter button covered in Diet Coke syrup. So I cleaned up the cup holders, took FOREVER, and stuck the shutter button in a napkin. Where it still is today.  


A Testimony

This morning as I was brushing my teeth a song came on the radio that reminded me of my mom. And that intense feeling of missing her got caught in my throat. Sometimes it just happens and I miss her, as I am sure I always will. Recently however I have realized something I want to share. The Lord has been moving mountains in my life, so slowly that I barely realized it. Then one day I looked up and the mountain was gone.

But let me tell you the story. 

I do strange things...
We know this.

For almost 8 years now I have had a pictures of my mom's accident tucked into my scriptures. Weird I know, don't ask me how it got there or why I haven't taken it out. When I have looked at the picture in the past it has always made me very sad. That picture, to me, represents those few minutes that changed my life. I would look at it and worry that she felt alone, worry that she had been in pain, any emotion that could possibly be felt was mine as I looked at that picture.

Right after mom passed away we were swamped with so many sweet letters; so many people with good intentions would tell me that things were going to be okay. They would tell me how grateful I should be to know that families are forever. That they knew the pain would go away, and the atonement was real. While I was grateful that they cared so much, I kind of just wanted to punch them in the face. Because I knew those things were true but none of it fixed how I was feeling right then. I was just hurting and I didn't understand how the atonement was going to make any of that better. Because my family is a forever family but I had been robbed of my right nows, 50+ years of them. 

A few weeks ago I was sitting in a Sunday school class when the picture once again fell out of my scriptures and fluttered to the floor. I picked it up to put back in my scriptures and I glanced at it. Then I stared at it as I realized all that old pain was gone.

And it wasn't that the pain was dulled, or that I felt numb, or that I didn't care anymore. I miss my mom, I miss her so much. But as I looked at the picture it was almost like I didn't recognize it. It was no longer a picture from my life, not even a picture I was familiar with. I just kept staring as the spirit pierced my stubborn heart and I realized that none of it was mine anymore. Absolutely all of the pain was gone. I realized then that my Savior had taken that pain and not only was it gone but it honestly feels like the pain was never mine to begin with.

Then the teacher asked "How do we apply the atonement in our lives?"

To be honest I don't know how I got to where I am today. I think it started with the first tear I cried. Then the first time I raised my voice in prayer to say "I can't do this on my own. It's your turn." From there He took over. Not all at once, because I needed to grow. I needed to learn to move forward with faith. I needed to learn to trust Him completely. I needed to begin to learn how the Atonement works. I know that in this life I will probably never have a full comprehension of the way the Atonement works, or it's true power. I know however that through the atonement the impossible became possible in my life and heart.

Loosing mom was an experience that is mine, the pain however, belongs to my Savior.