I'm finally presented with the possibility of getting something I've always wanted, something I used to pray for every night.

Yet, as I drive home I feel a horrible panic, a weight on my chest. I tell Heavenly Father never mind and he laughs. I want something different now. I'm sorry.

Are you giving me this opportunity to help me realize what I truly want, so I more fully appreciate it when it happens? Or are you showing me that I always ask for foolish things and you just need me to trust you. "I've got this." He tells me. The weight lifts just a little and I start counting. Just a few more minutes.. 1,2,3 and I'll be home. Once I'm there it will be okay to have a break down... 1,2,3.

"Baby girl, I've got this. Please trust me..."



It's All the Same

That feeling you get when:

  • You are waiting for your crush to pick you up for your first date.
  • Speeding and you pass a Police car and he turns his lights on.
  • You have to break up with someone. 
  • Asking your boss for a raise.
  • Bearing your testimony.

It's really all the same.
And I had to do all but one this week.


Meet Chaps

Setting: Break Room, Annie is reading Sports Illustrated, everyone else is talking quietly.

Annie: Did you read this article about the 5k fad? Do you know there is an Elvis Rock N' Roll Marathon in Vegas each year and everyone dresses up li.... (Closes the magazine and glances at the back cover) Holy Crap! Yes please! I'll take two. Look at this delicious sailor man. He needs to live in my office.
JS: Annie you are such a pervert! Why do men get such a bad reputation for oggling women? You girls are just as bad, if not worse!

Annie: This man is fully clothed! and sexy... He could easily be a priesthood holder!

JT: Right, you want him in your office because he looks so righteous.

Annie: Yes, When I stare into his eyes they say back to me "Save me a spot in Sacrament meeting ok? I have to go help with the Sacrament."

JS: That isn't what they say to me!

Annie: No to you they would say "Bless or Pass?" And you would not be able to say no.

JT: "Would you like a diet coke?"

Annie: Yes! He would say things just like that. You can see his true nature!

U: She really like dis man. Him or "the 9:30 cowboy" better?

Annie: My Cowboy!

U: Him or Hrithik (My favorite Bollywood actor)?

Annie: I don't like this game...

This lovely picture is now up in my office. Next to a picture of the 9:30 Cowboy... His name is Chaps.

Thanks boys! I love him!


Happy B-Day Zacula

I was texting Zac last night.

Me: I think people are sick of hearing about how much I love you.

Zac: I think you are sick of not seeing me.

Me: Well I am just an amazing friend who loves you anyway.

I thought about this birthday post for a few weeks now. I thought of posting "Our song." The one he sang to me the first time we went out together. I was so nervous. I so desperately wanted to be his friend and I was so sure I wasn't good enough. Not funny enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough.

I thought of posting our favorite Mika song that we sing at the top of our lungs and when someone asks us if we think Mika might possibly be homosexual we both say "FLAMING" and keep on singing.

I thought about posting the song he played for me after he chased me down in the Borders parking lot after our first fight.

"I could never leave you, you know I never could
Even though you drive me crazy, even though you know I should
You flirt with all the ladies, you flirt with all the boys
You flirt with my grandmother, do you hear me making noise?"

But really all I think when I think of my friend is that I am just constantly in awe of the fact that he does love me, and so grateful that I know it and never have to doubt it. He, more than just about anyone, knows exactly who I am. For some reason he doesn't just love me inspite of my many defects, but loves the defects too. 

Love means never licking an orange peel covered in honey while playing CandyLand in a zippered sweater... (Or any of those things separately)...  and I love you 18! I can't wait to see you this weekend! 



Me: There are  4 words I really really hate in our language.
J: What are they?
M: No, no. I told them all to Zac once and he found a way to use them all in a sentence. Then told a bunch of other people to frequently use those words around me. It's how he shows his love, we are very close you see.
J: Well I hate the word totes.
M: Like that you store Christmas decor in?
J: No, like I totes want to go get carne asada fries right now.
A: So it means totally?
J: Yeah, like when people say presh. I hate that too.
A: Wait I might say presh... Let me consider this.... No I don't think I do. But who even says totes? That's crazy talk!
J: My friends from Jersey!
A: Well then I TOTES need to be saying it!!!!
J: Are you kidding me right now?
A: Totes not kidding....



I almost missed a birthday post. Geez. But to be fair I was in Vegas then she was in Florida so we didn't get to connect for a happy birthday in stretchy pants party until last weekend.

We are planning our fishing/camping trip for next week and she suggested that I look at her Pinterest board. Well she actually told me to look at her interest board, but I knew what she meant.

Before I clicked on the board for all things outdoors, I clicked on her board marked awesome and realized why she is my bestie.

A quick sampling:
 The shore speaks to my soul too.

 Seriously? Yes Please!

 Oh Gil...

 We both love our stretchy pants.

 Let's talk about it while we knit and watch Gilbert.

 This needs to be in my kitchen.

 Don't be too hard on yourself. Let's talk about it while we fish.

Can you see why I like her? Just saying.

Welcome to 30... So far it hasn't been so bad.