Round of Confessions

I can’t stand the smell of Subway. It smells so bad. If I want Subway I have to get it from somewhere where the store is part of a bigger store, so the smell isn't as strong. I can walk past a stranger and tell instantly if they have been to subway that day. That smells sticks like glue. Ugh!

I love drinking songs. Amanda and I have a list that we enjoy. Her ringtone on my phone is a clip of our favorite one. I don’t even care. Add it to my list of favorite sins. You can judge us if you want, totally cool. I’d judge me.

I have given up speeding, for the most part, so there is room on the favorite sin list. That is how it works right?

Sometimes I put people on friendship timeout. Don’t smother me. I will smother you when it is convenient for me.

I have a favorite in my primary class. I wish I could take him home and keep him forever. He is far from the best behaved child in my class.

People ask me what diet I am on when they notice my weight loss. How do I tell them that I really just eat a lot of air popped popcorn? Oh and I cut out Diet Coke. That never lasts as long as I wish it did though. I am an addict in true form, but am trying to change that.

Apparently when you delete pictures from google+ it also deletes them everywhere else they appear in google.... Like on your blog. So my blog looks a little disheveled right now.  I'll fix it. I promise. I also need to add some people to the Cast of Characters tab... So you know who Amanda is.

For now just know she is a new bestie, and I am corrupting her in all the best ways. 



Kyle: What are you up to tonight?
Me: Going to see Walter Mitty with K and E.
Kyle: I Don’t want to see that movie
Me: You aren't invited
Kyle: Fine I’ll come


Longing For Home

Yesterday was not the first time that someone I dearly love has tried to take their own life. Unfortunately I have had a friend go through with it before… a best friend. A friend I thought knew I was there for him no matter what. I know mental health has nothing to do with how much I care about someone, but I wish it did.

I received quite a few messages from friends telling me that they had been in that place themselves. I was shocked by the people who admitted it to me. Most of them seemed to me, to be people who have their lives together. Why would they feel the need to end it?

I've been pondering on this and have found a place in my heart where I can empathize. I have never been in that place where ending my life ever felt like an option, nor has it ever been something I desired. I have had hard times. Heart breaking times. Every time in my darkest hours my deepest desire is to go home. That used to be an option for me. I’d hop in my car and in a few hours I was home. When I am home with mom and dad everything is ok. It didn't matter what I was going through it was all ok if I was with them.

That isn't an option anymore. Mom is gone, for now, and so is home. I can go visit my dad if I want, I am always welcome there but I am a guest. I no longer have access to the healing powers of home. When things get bad now my heart turns to the only other home I've known. The one my mind does not remember but my heart does, my heavenly home. I understand the appeal of the other side. Not because life isn't worth facing, or because I want to feel numb, but simply because I want to be home where everything is ok, where happiness fills every part of my soul, where you are loved unconditionally. I miss that. I crave that.

I think we have all felt a yearning for home that is beyond anything in this life. In that emotion I can sympathize. 


Feeling Old

Last night Kyle and I went to Smash Burger for dinner. I ordered the smash club and made an Uncle Jesse reference that fell flat with the server.

"Like from Full House."

"Yeah that was WAY before my time."

*once server is out of ear shot*

"Seriously? The Cosby Show was before my time but I still get the references!"

"The Cosby Show WAS your time!"

"No it was on in the 80s. I wasn't watching sitcoms as a toddler!"

"But it ended in the 90s, you were watching TV when you were ten weren't you?"

"Yeah... Full House and  Dr. Quinn. Which both ended in the late 90s."

"Right. Probably before that kid was born."

"Am I that old? I feel like the general public should get Full House references no matter how old they are."


The Salt Flats

Kyle and I went for a drive the other night out to the salt flats.

I needed to take a Flat Stanley picture to mail back to my brother's kindergarten class.

Kyle wanted to shoot a music video.

I can't believe I get to live here.

Then Kyle told me to smile.
I told him I wasn't wearing makeup.
Well maybe a little lipstick...
But I was not prepared.
I always look better when I am laughing.
He refused to attempt to make me laugh
So I laughed at his grumpiness.
I love his grumpiness.
He is a total phony though.
He is really lovely.

When I looked at this picture I thought. "I look 30."
But I am 30.
So I guess it's ok.

Life is good.


Online Dating (My 24 hour venture)

The other night Kyle A was over. He is the king of LDS dating websites. He actually meets good ones from time to time that I really like. In fact I am trying to get him to be more serious about a current one that I really like. But he never listens to me.

Anyway... One of my favorite things is to use Tinder for him on his phone. I pull it up and deny all the girls who aren't wearing enough clothes, or I don't deam to be his type, or that are trying too hard. It is fun for us. The other night he was on a different site where you answer like a zillion questions and it gives you your top matches based on  how you answer then shows you a percentage.

We signed me up mostly because I wanted to see if it would match me up with my bestie.
There he is 86% match! And... 16% Enemies. He messaged me about it. I should have taken a screen shot of that before I deleted my account.

Kyle: So 16% Enemies huh?
Me: That seems low.

Ha. I just like my Kyle a lot. Seriously.

One more thing... for Kate...
Sorry Triman. That's a deal breaker for me. If you can't be gassy what do you have? Certainly not love.

Moral of the story. I deleted my account. Kyle really is the greatest thing on there. Why he isn't the hottie of the online dating world I don't know but I already *have him. So no dating site needed.

P.S. These guys need to be more original. Almost every single message I received said something about my smile and called me angel. They obviously don't know me too well. Seriously.

*By HAVE I mean I have access to his stellar friendship... Unless he is on a hot date.


Prayer Time

It was Caleb's turn for family scriptures last night. Dad was helping him.

Dad: Bless Jake and Cami while they are in California

Caleb: bless Jake and Cami

Dad: we are grateful for a good Christmas season.

Caleb: good mismis

Dad: bless the missionaries

Caleb: bless my friend tommy

Dad: bless that we will all be good

Caleb: dad, me say that no!

*stifled laughter*