A few weeks ago at church a well meaning friend approached me:
"I just learned about this class for singles over 31. I thought you might be interested in checking it out."
"Thanks, But I am not that desperate yet."
"Well I just meant that maybe you would enjoy the class."
"That's kind of you, but I find those settings so depressing. The room is always filled with crazy people, people who argue with the teacher, and men who wear sweatpants into the chapel. You leave with one of two thoughts either 'I was the most attractive person in that room and I still didn't leave with a date.' or you leave thinking 'are those really my peers? This is what is left and I am one of them?' Either way it is very depressing."
"Well my husband and I sneak in from time to time because the lessons are so good. Give it a try if you have a Thursday evening free."
Cut to yesterday when my Thursday night plans for naughty fries at Rooster's were canceled because my hot date needed to attended all the Chinese New Year Events ever. Ha (Em and I rescheduled for Tuesday because... well.... naughty fries) Anyway, I thought geez, I guess I better go, I mean I can't pray to find my lover and then ignore opportunities to meet single men.
I roped Amanda into coming with me, because terror and awkward should be shared between besties. On the way we cranked up some inappropriate Jason Aldean. Not too inappropriate, it wasn't 'Burnin' It Down', which by the way we also love. Just a little 'Just Gettin' Started.' We changed the lyrics a little "Baby I don't know if we're even going to make it to *institute.*"
Amanda turned down the radio as we pulled into the chapel parking lot. She is a better person than me and didn't want people to know we listen to the radio too loud, you know we might be judged by all those girls walking in wearing denim skirts. "Amanda, I want to find the man who will listen to this with us, not be ashamed of it. Turn it back up." It stayed off. "Amanda, pull in next to that big truck, probably that's my future husbands ride."
The class was AWFUL. Worst institute class of my LIFE. So, so horrible. But my friend was right, there were some seriously attractive men there. We walked in and sat in the back row, I made eye contact with the hot dish sitting right in front of us and he smiled. The class was so horrible that we couldn't stay. It was really so bad. But I was torn, if we didn't sit through the misery how was I going to meet the love of my life sitting right in front of me? I mean my entire eternal future was sitting within arms reach. Amanda is a genius! "Pass him a note" So I wrote him a note with my number on the bottom. I wrote a few drafts because it had to be perfect, funny, and endearing. I almost passed him the paper with all the drafts on it. OOPS! We got up to leave and I passed him the note. He smiled the biggest smile of my life and I went weak in the knees. I met Amanda in the hallway where we giggled like teenage girls. " He was so cute right?" "So cute!"
"Amanda, that probably is his truck right there."
"Umm that's probably his Subaru."
"As long as that isn't his Prius we are in business. What do you think the name of my love is?"
"I think he looks like a Dan."
"Yeah, certainly not a Kevin."
"His name is probably Kyle."
"Ugh I can't handle ANOTHER Kyle. He probably IS Kyle, Kyle 3 that is what we'll call him."
"Third time is the charm."
"I bet his name is Blake."