For Brooke

Your posts about being an only child always make my heart hurt for you a little bit. Mostly because I sympathize, but in a different situation.

I am certainly not an only child. There are 7 more of me. My poor Father, and one is only a month or so old so Dad won't get to pretend to be childless for another 19 years or so.

But like you are missing 5-10 siblings, I am missing one mom.

And people tell you all the time that they will be a stand in, that they can be a pinch hitter, and they have the best of intentions, and they do and they are fantastic. But they always have their own kids, and they come first. And when it really comes down to it when a boy breaks my heart I just can't tell them about it, and I can't show them my weakness. And my dad certainly doesn't want to hear about it. He tries, he really does he is adorable, but at the end of the day he is a man, which I love, but he can't be my mom. No one can be MY mom. It seems the more people try to be a substitute mom the more I just want mine. Like traveling, other people live in great places and I am happy there but I just want to be home in MY house, no matter how fantastic other places are.

I found this the other day and love it. Because it is something I have had to learn, and it is a tough lesson.

So I tell myself that maybe someday I will marry a man with an amazing mom who loves me like one of her girls. It is likely, I tell myself because I ALWAYS hit it off with the parents. But what happens when my dreamboat has a mom who hates me? Or she has a million of her own girls who need attention and love and she doesn't realize how badly I need her to be a substitute mommy for me? And will she realize she is the only grandma my kiddos have and that Charlie needs to be SMOTHERED in grandma kisses as often as possible?

I find that my willingness to do or be anything someone needs me to be leaves me feeling drained because I have yet to find that someone who is willing to be all those things for me. Someday there will be someone who loves us and makes us feel more complete. But if we expect any one person to fill that hole, even our dreamboat, they will always fall short because no one can be that something you are missing but that someone you are missing. And neither of us have the ability to have that someone while on this Earth.

And some days it just sucks. 

If you need to talk, I will listen.

DTR

Me: I am just wondering if there is a way I can Photoshop a different face on myself.
Zac: I think that you are beautiful. So stop saying you need to digitally change yourself.
M: You are so incredibly sweet to me, I think I will keep you.
Z: ha ha ha like you have a choice.
M: I could fire you
Z: From what?
M: ummm...I suppose you don't have an official job title do you?
Z: owner
M: What if someone else wants to apply for that job?
Z: They'd have to buy me out first.
M: Well what would THAT cost them?
Z: About 2 mil.
M: Well I don't know anyone with that kind of dollars.
Z: Me neither or I would have sold it long ago.
M: :( Now I am crying
Z: Why?
M: Because you are trying to sell me off, sadness.
Z: Oh I thought you were talking about my real job.

WANTED:

One BFF not looking to sell out.

L-O-V-E

This is how you spell love.

Horribly horrible for you fatty goodness. 

Delivered to my office by someone who doesn't have to love me, or even be thinking about me.

But she does and she did! 

Thanks Cristal

Update

I couldn't do it. 

I chickened out.

I need him.

I didn't take him to the vet.

But he hasn't thrown up in two days.

Say a little prayer that he stays that way. 

I left him curled up and purring on my bed not 20 minutes ago.

I am one happy crazy cat lady this morning.

Mokey

This is my cat in the prime of his youth, in the yard playing with the boys.

I am having a rough day today because 

I am almost sure that I am going to have to have him put down this weekend.

I am going to be a MESS.

Remember just this last Valentine's day when I was stuck
on the couch and he was my Valentine?

Well he has been there for me through all kinds of hard times.

In high school when I was mad at my parents or Katy,
he was always there to listen.

I soaked the poor cat in my tears
and he just laid there and listened.

The first night I was home after mom was gone
I just held him and cried.

Because I knew he would listen,
and I am sure he felt her loss too.

He didn't even care when I squeezed him a little too tight.

In fact when you are sad he can't get close enough. 

He will sit right on my face and still try to keep scooting closer.

Maybe he is secretly trying to smoother me.

This is him last night.

He was not happy that I was removing the blanket he was all wrapped up in.

He also threw up last night. 

Twice

On our favorite rug.

I don't mind throw up. 

I suppose I will become well acquainted with it as a mother someday.

But this was the 4th time in a handful of days.

So I Googled it. It is a sign of kidney failure.

Well he already has bad kidneys and is on a special diet for it.

So to the vet we go in the morning. 

and he may go home with me and he may go home with Heavenly Father.

My bet is on the later, as he is almost 16 years old. 

Things you shouldn't say to your boss...

...and I have said to him TODAY.

• You have really poor communication skills you know?
• Your friend with the yellow eyes is really unattractive. I mean REALLY unattractive.
• Don't question my authority!
• I don't think you know what you are talking about.
• There is a semi suspicious smell in this office. 

Like My ipod's Stuck on Replay

This weeks favorites...

Lonely Won't Come Around ~Crystal Bowersox
(I love love love the melody on this song.)

Mean ~Taylor Swift
(Taylor finally, almost, has a new sound on one song)

Don't Underestimate Love ~ Nitty Gritty Dirt Band
(My #1 favorite lyrics)

All Your Life ~The Band Perry
(Just love The Band Perry and the chorus gets stuck in my head all day)

The Woman In Me ~Shania Twain
(I have needed him this week)

Old Alabama ~Brad Paisley
(He calls her a "hot southern mess" and Alabama actually joins him on the song.)

ADVENTURE

This weekend I went snowshoeing. It was maybe one of the greatest days of my life. 

I have been known to do yoga in inappropriate situations/places such as the grocery store aisle or as seen above by a pond in the middle of the rocky mountains. Ha! and Megan caught it on film. Please note that at the beginning of this adventure I was wearing a coat. I do come prepared.

At some point in our adventure we came across a big empty white field, the sun was shining and I mentioned to the others that I would like to frolic in that field. It was so tempting. So I took off to run through the field, in my show shoes. It was, I am sure, entertaining. Half way across the field I realized it wasn't a field. There was a steep drop followed by a steep incline. No matter, I kept running. 

I know I am laying down, but it wasn't because I was exhausted it was all part of the frolicking that was happening. I have been working very hard at leaving my sea level pneumonia scared lungs behind and it is working! I was running, uphill, in the mountains and I managed to keep my breath.

So we were following, kind of, a trail that was suppose to loop back around. After a few miles we realized we were not looping at all, in fact, we were sure we had almost hiked to Huntsville. So we made the decision to head to the highest point we could find and observe where we were. So straight up the face of a mountain we went. At the top we realized where we were and that we did NOT want to back track. We had gone much further than we realized. So down the other side of the mountain, across a river, up the side of another mountain and we were sure we would find an old abandoned road that would lead us back to our vehicular situation.

This is the river I "fell" into. By fell I mean, helping someone else to not fall in and amidst the chaos I happened into the river. No big deal. You can see how it has a rushing current that almost swept me away to my death. I was wet, but I just took off my wet clothes and put my coat back on. No big deal.

Halfway up the next mountain was the road we were looking for. Which took us straight back to our car. I should look up forest service maps to see where the trail we were on led. Out of curiosity. But I liked the adventuresome loop we made.

The entire time we were on this adventure I was accutely aware of three people who were missing:

Mom

Uncle Wayne

and

...someone else  

April

I can HARDLY wait! 

April is my FAVORITE month of the year! 

April is filled with these:

I LOVE LOVE LOVE Tulips!

April is the month we get to hear from Apostles and Prophets at LDS General Conference

(I particularly love this picture because Elder uchdorf, one of the sexiest men alive, has the same chin as me.)

And I will be watching from a "Cabin" in Bear Lake, with some of my most favorite people. 

In April these two crazy kids are getting married

Which also means that I get to go here:

April is the month of Easter, my favorite holiday for many reasons:

Easter candy has the best candy:

Peanut Butter eggs have the PERFECT proportion of peanut butter to chocolate.

I also love the sweet and sour jelly eggs.

And Mother Earth is celebrating the resurrection of our savior.

 Everything is new and fresh and beautiful.

And I am reminded that because of him my mom is still mine.

Because of his atonement I have hope.

Because of him I can repent and be clean, new, and fresh.

Just as the Earth herself appears in April.

Pupusas on North Temple

 Wade, Katy and I have a favorite restaurant in SLC. 

It is Salvadoran. 

They know us by name, and we have an assigned booth.

Wade and I discovered it one night when I was having a bad day 

and he was trying to cheer me up.

So far I have been too scared to take any of our other friends there with me.

But last weekend when we took our friend Megan.

 It is on north temple in a sketchy hotel.

The booths are held together with duct tape and so are the menus.

They play Latino music really loud and have Spanish soap operas on the entire time. 

Sometimes you get lucky and one of the tvs will also have latino music videos.

Or if you are even more lucky they will give you the remote and let you choose.

 

 We love the ghetto atmosphere and the food! 

Have you had Salvadoran food before? 

Item 1 is a Sope. Delicious!

It is carne asada on top of like a deep friend English muffin sort of thing. It is divine I swear.

Item 2 is a pupusa. 

You are suppose to eat it with the pickled cabbage pictured (sorta) on the far left of picture 3.

I just add salsa and eat up. 

A pupusa is a handmade thick corn tortilla stuffed with deliciousness.

I always get just cheese because it is the good stuff.

If you feel like braving the ghettoness of North Temple with us let me know!

You will love it. 

Oh and the pupusas are 1.50 each. 

What a deal!

My Baby Boy

Well one of them... 

Jarom is now in the MTC (missionary training center). 

I didn't go with Dad to drop him off in Provo. 

But I took Tuesday off and spent the say with them, helping him get all his last minute things. 

Nothing like a trip to Mr. Mac to make you feel like your baby is all grown up. 

There is also nothing like a trip to Mr. Mac to wish you had a man of your own to dress up in a beautiful gray suit. Or that the man who has a beautiful gray suit already, lived just a little closer. ;)

But I digress. 

I got to spend the entire day with this handsome young man. 

You are jealous. 

I know I am only his sister but I just look at the kid and am so stinking proud of him I can hardly handle it.

I swear my mom was possessing my body all day and bringing me right to the bring of tears of joy, pride(the good kind), and a little sadness.

My boss was able to meet Jarom and Dad Wednesday on their way to Provo. 

He said I stood over Jarom the entire time like a proud momma.

Well I feel a little bit like one.

It has been two whole day and I miss the kid so stinking much. 

I keep looking for him on facebook so we can chat about the day. 

I suppose I should write him a letter.

Lost in translation

I work for this company. 

They are great and I love working for them. 

Sometimes we get hardware catalogs from competitors
or hardware companies in other countries like the one I was looking through today. 

Sometimes a thing or two gets lost in translation. 

These were the descriptions of the different lines of bath hardware. 

Some seem dirtier than others.

Try to keep it clean.

 The happiness of showering... Especially after camping... With you so far...

 I also need the occasional unruliness. Sign me up! Let me freely roam!

We all need to take things slower now and then.  Slow is also a kind of speed. Good stuff, good stuff.

Umm...

 The relaxing life style. That is the life style for me. 

I think we should have paragraphs like this in OUR hardware catalog.

I mean don't you want to go out right now and buy some bath hardware you can fondle admiringly?

Yes you do! 

Conversations over breakfast

I was making breakfast for my dad and brother this morning. They are in town to take Jarom to the MTC tomorrow. 

Me: Jarom if you have a companion who went out real late because he was like saving the world maybe you could set him up with Katy.

Jarom: Well what part of the world was he saving?

Dad: Won't work Katy's too picky.

Me: But he was saving the world and he's good looking too.

Dad: Doesn't matter Katy's too picky!

P.S. We had cheesecake stuffed french toast. You are jealous.

Conversations with the boss man

He calls me today from China. I checked the clock it was 5:45 am there.

B: Is it snowing there?
M: No it is a beautiful sunny day.
B: But it snowed recently?
M: Yeah it has been snowing like a beast, your wife was in here yesterday and she mention three times how upset she was that is was snowing while you weren't here to shovel the walk.
B: Well I wish I was there to shovel the walk.
*This is where I think he is cute for being so thoughful.
B: Man I am missing epic ski week! Let me talk to J, I want to hear how the skiing is.
M: Well he isn't here, he took a half day and went skiing.
B: I miss everything.

Umm did your forget that you are in CHINA? 
I would trade spots with you in a heart beat.

THANK YOU

Today has been great! 

On my lunch break I went for a drive,

with the windows down and the radio way way up!

It was PERFECT!

Sometimes it sucks, you know, when you feel like you give, and give, and get nothing back. 

Why am I the one doing and saying sweet things to others without the favor being returned. 

We have all been there right?

But today I got a note from a friend that said simply  
ANNIE A.K.A. HAPPINESS.

THANK YOU! I needed that.

I have also been told recently: "If the way to a mans heart is through his stomach does that mean you, Annie, have every man's heart?" How sweet is he? He also called me super woman on steroids.

I hope, someday that is the kind of wife/mom I will be.

Super woman on steroids.

An Izze afternoon

This means I have had a very hard day...

Power went out this morning while getting ready.
Stopped to splurge on breakfast and got someone else's order.
Fax/printer/copier broke this morning. Replacement won't arrive until Friday.
Broke my fingernail where it rips into the skin.
The nose picker came into my office and I saw him eat it. Then he ate from my candy jar and gave me a hug.
I have three redesigns to get done today.
My desk is a mass of chaos and I can't do anything about it because I can't print, fax, or copy.
I am cold. Like shivering and the thermostat says 72.


BUT...

I get to see my Dad and my brother Jarom next week
I went out and got a very big Izze for lunch.
I am going to Hobby Lobby tonight to get stuff for the greatest craft project of my life!
I am going to the SLC temple for the first time this weekend!
Joan, (pronounced Joe-on, he is perexican) has agreed to have a weekend of scandal with me.
I am heading to 90th south after work to pick up some groceries from the Asian superstore. So excited!

Why not?

There was this one time that I met a guy...

and I knew we should be together but he wasn't asking me out.


One night I was laying on the floor at a mutual friends house and I yelled...

"Why isn't he asking me out? I am perfect for him and he is an IDIOT!"

Turns out he knew I was right, and wanted to ask.

He just had some secrets he knew I couldn't live with.

Then I met this other guy.

I met him and I said that is the man for me.

So it is with original man that I now speak with as I scream once again...

"Why isn't he asking me out? I am perfect for him and he is an IDIOT!"

My Crush

I had an all consuming crush on Bryan White as a teenager.

This is the picture I carried with me everywhere.

I loved his music, his voice, his perfect hair.

Ha! Remember when this haircut was sexy?

I taped all his music videos onto VHS tapes and I would watch them again and again. 

Do you know who Bryan White is?

Probably not if you didn't listen to country in the late 90's.

He sang "Someone Else's Star" and "I'm Not Supposed to Love You Anymore."

I realize now how foolish a celebrity crush is.

But I can't help thinking about him every time I hear a little girl squeal when a 

Justin Beiber song comes on the radio.

This is Bryan White now 

apparently he has a new album out last year.

I have been listening to it on Grooveshark this weekend.

It isn't bad.

But I haven't squealed once.

Sometimes growing up is a shame.

Please and Thank You

 I have this one

I NEED this one!

Forecast

Any girl who claims they are not susceptible to being irrational, or moody, or irritable for absolutely no reason at all is LYING! 

Here is the great thing about me though. You can tell me I am and I fix it. Great huh?

Well today Zac told me that I needed a weather chart. 

Most days it would say something about sunny and clear skies. 

But today my foecast is... 

Hurricane force emotions. Shelter is advised.   

Why? 

Well that is a story for another time. 

Let's just say I am a VERY protective older sister and if someone doesn't start leaving my sister alone REAL soon he better take shelter. 

Snubs

Snubs: I found your blog today

Me: Because I posted it on my facbeook?

S: Yes... 

*Silence*

M: Did you search it for you name?

S: Yes and I wasn't in there anywhere! 

M: Did you search under Snubs or your real name? 

S: Oh!!!! Snubs! I will search for it now.

*pulls out phone*

Come to find out, as he was reading me things I have posted about him, the 5 year anniversary of our nothing if not odd friendship was last month.  

Last night I realized how grateful I am to have a friend who has almost the EXACT opposite opinion of mine in EVERYTHING but we still have a great friendship and love and even RESPECT each other. 

What a blessing.

The Hand Holder

This is your new favorite story...

So I was driving home with a friend a few weeks ago.
He was driving my car and he leaned over and attempted to hold my hand. 

I assumed he was going for the coke in the console and moved my hand so he could have easier access to the beverage he desired.

A few minutes later it happens again and I again move my hand and offer to grab his drink for him.

Oh my goodness. 

It was literally the next day before I realized what had happened.

How can I even be so dumb?

I don't think he reads this blog...

But if he does...

Dear Hand Holder,

Please try again.

<3 Reese

I made the appointment...

I'm going back to blonde.

The color God gave me. 

I am nervous. 

VERY nervous. 

Last time I tried this the lady turned my hair orange. 

After the appointment I am immediately leaving for lava. 

Oh well,
Lava is one place you can have orange hair and still blend in.