Some things are worth fighting for
I wrote this back in November and came across it tonight in my drafts:
I have a hard time making good friends. The problem is mine. I have simply had so much loss in my life that I have put up a wall. If I don't let you in then you can't leave me. I have been much better since moving to Idaho Falls. But from the time Shane died until my move I did not make any new friends except Zac, and Snubs. I frequently ask Zac how the heck he snuck in when I had my fortress so protected. He is honest with me and told me that it wasn't easy, and often he felt like I was trying hard to push him away. While that may have been the impression I was giving off, the way I felt was simply that I desperately needed a friend. Fortunately for me he persevered. I often ask myself what the heck he saw in me that made him fight so hard for my friendship. I will tell you that to this day I do not think I deserve a friend like him.
Zac, I know the time has come to fight for our friendship again. I ask you to please keep fighting, we will win this one!