Me: So I was Facebook stalking you and realized we share a common friend.
G: Oh really? Who?
Me: *** but we call him The Phantom. How do you know him?
G: He was in my ward once. How do you know him?
Me: I have a crush on him!
G: Very good, I approve. You know the first time I met him we were carving pumpkins and everyone had their little carving knife out. But he busted out a drill and started going to town on that pumpkin. He carved Superman in it.
Me: Why is this man not my best friend?