The Sooner the Better

Heavenly Father and I got in another fight.
Now before you judge me, let me tell you that when I say "we got in a fight,"
I mean I am struggling to align my will with His.

This past week I have been through the entire gamut of emotions.
One day my boss is in the middle of talking to me,
and he stops in the middle of a sentence and says
"why are you smiling at me?"
"I'm not."
"Yeah you are, a big goofy grin and it's freaking me out."
"Sorry I can't help it. There is the cutest boy..."

He likes it don't worry.

So I went from that to an extreme sad.
A sad/anger that is the result of a life event I would put between mom dying, and Shane dying.
( if such a comparison could be made.)
The weight on my heart was very heavy.
I immediately got on my knees and told Heavenly Father how upset I was.

Our "conversation" went something like this:
"Listen you don't have to go through all this. Your Savior already suffered this for you."
"But I have a plan, I'm going to fast, and go to the temple, and..."
"Or you could give it to Him now."
"I don't want to. It's my pain and I'm not ready to give it up. And what right do I have to feel happy? It doesn't feel right to be happy so soon."
"You are welcome to go through with your plan, those are great things, and you can still implement them to help others involved who will hurt much longer than you. But YOU can hand YOUR pain over right now."
"I'll have to think about this."
"Can we agree not to wait so long this time around?"
"It's a deal."

I talked with Papa later that day.
I fasted, prayed non-stop, and went to the temple.
I spent a day with my best friend from high school.
And had two VERY good friends go on a drive with me to see mom.
It was a good plan for sure, and it all helped me to feel better,
I am grateful to each friend who took a little of my burden and carried it for me.
(Even though they had no idea what it was)
But in the end it wasn't gone until I finally gave in and took Heavenly Father up on his offer.

I wish this wasn't such a hard lesson to learn.
But this time it only took me a week to hand my pain over.
I think that is a much better track record than before.

I share this simply so others will know,
it doesn't have to be that hard.
Your Savior is ready and waiting at all times,
to do whatever he can to lighten your burdens.
Learn from me and let Him.
The sooner the better. 

1 comment:

  1. If the weight you talk about is the one I suspect, I love you, and thank you for helping me carry it. I am glad you turned it over to the Lord, because I have and have felt wrong in doing so, but it is keeping me sain. just so you know I love your stinking guts!