Me: Tell Bro. Crowther that boys are icky!
Bro. Crowther: Who is looking for a man?
Me: *raises hand* A cowboy please!
B: Does he need a horse?
M: Or a big truck.
B: Any other requests?
M: Oh a classic county playlist for the radio.
B: Well let me think. Does he need a horse for you?
M: We can share... And I can burn us a playlist, just find me the man.
B: You just want the horse. A good horse is much easier to find than a good man and a lot easier to train.
M: I'm not worried, find me one and I'll break him.
B: Are we taking about men or horses?
M: Oh look, my shift is up.
Wednesday
Temple Conversations
Saturday
My Hostess Remembrance
I am a little bit spoiled. I confessed that to Dave the other night. Or at least I WAS a little spoiled as a child which I will demonstrate with my Hostess remembrance in honor of their demise. But don't worry I saw pink snowballs at a truck stop in Wyoming. Apparently Hostess isn't the only one who knows how to cover marshmallows in chocolate cake and cover that in pink shredded paper that resembles coconut.
When I was a small child, younger than five, My mom worked Thursday nights cutting hair at a senior center. Or something like that. Anyway, that was our date night with dad and it usually included a trip to the park and a trip to the Hostess thrift store. One time I found strawberry Twinkies and I was very excited to eat them, but for some reason they were left at home on the counter. When I finally arrived home to consume my culinary treasure my uncle was there, and he had eaten them. I hated him from that moment on. Seriously I hated him, and I was scared of him, and I referred to him as that man who ate my Twinkies. Moral of the story, don't come between me and my food.
Okay but I just had another hostess memory. Get excited. My dad took my grandma (mom's mom) grocery shopping one day a few years ago. Neither of my grandparents drove anymore and they relied on others to have food other than meals on wheels in the house. At the check out my grandma plead with my dad to get her a box of ding dongs "Oh I just love them so much Steve and when I come with Mick he never lets me get any." He caved and got her a box. When they were home and he was helping her unpack the groceries he watched her sneak three boxes downstairs.
When she passed they had two freezers in the basement. One had normal things... freezer jam, pork chops, cardboard pizzas. One had nothing but Ding Dongs. I am not making this stuff up. She was prepared for the demise of Hostess. Each of the heirs was given a couple of paper bags with things they had hoarded dived up evenly among each heir. Each heir received a bag of match books, string, paper towels, Windex, and 5 boxes of ding dongs. Mine were from 1991. I tossed them. Maybe I should have kept them to remember her by though. I thought that there would always be more available, how wrong I was.
When I was a small child, younger than five, My mom worked Thursday nights cutting hair at a senior center. Or something like that. Anyway, that was our date night with dad and it usually included a trip to the park and a trip to the Hostess thrift store. One time I found strawberry Twinkies and I was very excited to eat them, but for some reason they were left at home on the counter. When I finally arrived home to consume my culinary treasure my uncle was there, and he had eaten them. I hated him from that moment on. Seriously I hated him, and I was scared of him, and I referred to him as that man who ate my Twinkies. Moral of the story, don't come between me and my food.
Okay but I just had another hostess memory. Get excited. My dad took my grandma (mom's mom) grocery shopping one day a few years ago. Neither of my grandparents drove anymore and they relied on others to have food other than meals on wheels in the house. At the check out my grandma plead with my dad to get her a box of ding dongs "Oh I just love them so much Steve and when I come with Mick he never lets me get any." He caved and got her a box. When they were home and he was helping her unpack the groceries he watched her sneak three boxes downstairs.
When she passed they had two freezers in the basement. One had normal things... freezer jam, pork chops, cardboard pizzas. One had nothing but Ding Dongs. I am not making this stuff up. She was prepared for the demise of Hostess. Each of the heirs was given a couple of paper bags with things they had hoarded dived up evenly among each heir. Each heir received a bag of match books, string, paper towels, Windex, and 5 boxes of ding dongs. Mine were from 1991. I tossed them. Maybe I should have kept them to remember her by though. I thought that there would always be more available, how wrong I was.
Thursday
Lately...
Yesterday at the grocery store this lady kept calling her daughter "momma." I thought that was real strange but my roommate says she heard it on her mission all the time. Maybe I will start calling my Papa daughter. He likes it.
* * * *
I don't make New Year's resolutions. But my dad told me to kiss a boy so... Maybe I will get to work on that one.
He has a specific one in mind for me.
* * * *
When I hear classic country music I am always taken back to afternoons at home with my mom. The radio was always on in the background while Kate and I colored at the table and mom paid bills, or we played unicorns and cheetahs on the floor while she vacuumed, or we ate raw spaghetti while she started dinner. She was always busy, the radio was always on, and we were always somewhere near by.
* * * *
I was just thinking about how when dad would come home the first thing he would do, after hugging us and kissing mom, was turn off the radio. Katy and I would wait on the couch looking out the window. When you saw a car coming down the highway with only one headlight you knew it was dad.
* * * *
They hired someone to help me at work. She is a lot of help, but I am learning more and more, how hard it is for me to relinquish control of things.
* * * *
I am getting better, however, at relinquishing control of my life to my Heavenly Father. "You do it" I like to tell him. Then he takes control, stretches me to my limits, and I look back at who I used to be and barely recognize her.
* * * *
My favorite thing to look back and think is "Heavenly Father, thank you for telling me no. Oh how glad I am that I did not get what I wanted."
* * * *
I don't make New Year's resolutions. But my dad told me to kiss a boy so... Maybe I will get to work on that one.
He has a specific one in mind for me.
* * * *
When I hear classic country music I am always taken back to afternoons at home with my mom. The radio was always on in the background while Kate and I colored at the table and mom paid bills, or we played unicorns and cheetahs on the floor while she vacuumed, or we ate raw spaghetti while she started dinner. She was always busy, the radio was always on, and we were always somewhere near by.
* * * *
I was just thinking about how when dad would come home the first thing he would do, after hugging us and kissing mom, was turn off the radio. Katy and I would wait on the couch looking out the window. When you saw a car coming down the highway with only one headlight you knew it was dad.
* * * *
They hired someone to help me at work. She is a lot of help, but I am learning more and more, how hard it is for me to relinquish control of things.
* * * *
I am getting better, however, at relinquishing control of my life to my Heavenly Father. "You do it" I like to tell him. Then he takes control, stretches me to my limits, and I look back at who I used to be and barely recognize her.
* * * *
My favorite thing to look back and think is "Heavenly Father, thank you for telling me no. Oh how glad I am that I did not get what I wanted."
Tuesday
Angels (part two)
Many of you know about "the incident," but in case you missed it, a recap:
It was Wednesday night and I was up playing Mexican Train with my family. At some point I started to feel like I was drowning. I could breathe it wasn't that, it was that I felt this pressure in my head. My entire family had the flu days earlier so I thought maybe I needed to throw up, although that had never been an accompanying symptom before, I stood up to head to a bathroom. I was at the top of the stairs when my legs collapsed and I blacked out.
I woke up wondering why someone was yelling to call 911, and who was hurt. It was then I heard my dad calling my name. I still couldn't see at this point and was oddly unaware of my body. But I was quickly becoming aware that they were calling 911 for me and I was at the bottom of the stairs. At that point my only thought was "I can't afford to go to the hospital." So I said as much and my dad asked me to move my head, easy, and my legs, wasn't happening. It took me another minute to tell myself to move them. I knew I could I just still wasn't conscious enough to do so. Finally after some convincing my dad helped me up.
It was then explained to me that they all heard me fall, but thought oh that sucks, and kept playing. My stepmom however decided to check on me and realized something was wrong. Kate and dad then came to my side while Melane was sent to call 911. My skin was blue, I wasn't breathing, I was unresponsive, and had landed on my neck at a twisted angle with the weight of my body on my neck which was still pressed against the bottom step. They were worried about moving me because of the odd angles, they didn't want to paralyze me as they were sure I had a serious neck injury.
Katy decided to move me anyway and pulled on my arm until my neck was straightened out and I could breathe. I came to shortly after that. I still didn't understand the extent of what had just happened and I headed back upstairs to finish the game. I didn't last long.
In the time since then so many people have taken such good care of me. My dad, my stepmom, even my baby siblings. My Zac stands out, who is well known on this blog, he has been my hero. He's checked in on me a few times a day. He knows the nerdy (scientific) name for all my injuries better than I do, why they effect me the way they do, and my medical history better than me. He might be the only one who knows why I blacked out. Not because I told him, but because he was there "last time." Um but I forgot to pick up the medicine I need tonight. Don't be mad, Zac. He even tried to find someone to carry my suitcases into the house on my arrival back to Utah. He is also about the only one I know who can get me to follow doctor's orders.
I'm grateful for my stepmom who checked on me, Katy who decided to risk it and get me breathing. My dad for being calm and praying extra hard for me. My stepmom for checking again, while I was sleeping, to make sure I was still alive. For everyone who responded to the text with prayers and encouragement. For my mom who stayed by my bedside all night, yes I know you were there. It's the most physical presence of you I felt since you've been separated from your body.
I could have blacked out anywhere. But I wasn't on the road, putting others lives in danger. I wasn't in the middle of nowhere Wyoming. I was at home with my family where I could be taken care of. Although I could have done without the fall.
My Heavenly Father has a plan for me and great expectations. He's watching over me and protecting me. I feel his love. I have healed so quickly, and am so lucky I'm not recovering from anything major. I'm in almost no pain now. I'm probably not ready to run up mountains with my Joan yet, but I'm getting there.
It was Wednesday night and I was up playing Mexican Train with my family. At some point I started to feel like I was drowning. I could breathe it wasn't that, it was that I felt this pressure in my head. My entire family had the flu days earlier so I thought maybe I needed to throw up, although that had never been an accompanying symptom before, I stood up to head to a bathroom. I was at the top of the stairs when my legs collapsed and I blacked out.
I woke up wondering why someone was yelling to call 911, and who was hurt. It was then I heard my dad calling my name. I still couldn't see at this point and was oddly unaware of my body. But I was quickly becoming aware that they were calling 911 for me and I was at the bottom of the stairs. At that point my only thought was "I can't afford to go to the hospital." So I said as much and my dad asked me to move my head, easy, and my legs, wasn't happening. It took me another minute to tell myself to move them. I knew I could I just still wasn't conscious enough to do so. Finally after some convincing my dad helped me up.
It was then explained to me that they all heard me fall, but thought oh that sucks, and kept playing. My stepmom however decided to check on me and realized something was wrong. Kate and dad then came to my side while Melane was sent to call 911. My skin was blue, I wasn't breathing, I was unresponsive, and had landed on my neck at a twisted angle with the weight of my body on my neck which was still pressed against the bottom step. They were worried about moving me because of the odd angles, they didn't want to paralyze me as they were sure I had a serious neck injury.
Katy decided to move me anyway and pulled on my arm until my neck was straightened out and I could breathe. I came to shortly after that. I still didn't understand the extent of what had just happened and I headed back upstairs to finish the game. I didn't last long.
In the time since then so many people have taken such good care of me. My dad, my stepmom, even my baby siblings. My Zac stands out, who is well known on this blog, he has been my hero. He's checked in on me a few times a day. He knows the nerdy (scientific) name for all my injuries better than I do, why they effect me the way they do, and my medical history better than me. He might be the only one who knows why I blacked out. Not because I told him, but because he was there "last time." Um but I forgot to pick up the medicine I need tonight. Don't be mad, Zac. He even tried to find someone to carry my suitcases into the house on my arrival back to Utah. He is also about the only one I know who can get me to follow doctor's orders.
I'm grateful for my stepmom who checked on me, Katy who decided to risk it and get me breathing. My dad for being calm and praying extra hard for me. My stepmom for checking again, while I was sleeping, to make sure I was still alive. For everyone who responded to the text with prayers and encouragement. For my mom who stayed by my bedside all night, yes I know you were there. It's the most physical presence of you I felt since you've been separated from your body.
I could have blacked out anywhere. But I wasn't on the road, putting others lives in danger. I wasn't in the middle of nowhere Wyoming. I was at home with my family where I could be taken care of. Although I could have done without the fall.
My Heavenly Father has a plan for me and great expectations. He's watching over me and protecting me. I feel his love. I have healed so quickly, and am so lucky I'm not recovering from anything major. I'm in almost no pain now. I'm probably not ready to run up mountains with my Joan yet, but I'm getting there.
Saturday
Angels (part one)
I've learned something this week. Someone is looking out for me, and I believe that someone is my Heavenly Father. I was worried about weather on my road trip home. Wyoming Decembers can be unforgiving. We left on Friday after work and stayed at my Aunt's ranch. We stayed up all night talking and left late because we spent all morning talking, but it was so worth it.
The trip went fine from there until we stopped in Cheyenne for lunch and I forgot to get gas. Gas was 2.73 there so you wouldn't think I'd forget so easily. So we stop at a place outside of town. Katy went inside while I was supposed to use her card to fuel up. I however did not know her zip code. I tried the three I could think of then it locked her card. Oops! I didn't want to "see cahsier" so I planned to just pull to another pump when Katy returned and suggested I just use my own card.
So I do and we go to get back on the road and this man taps on our window. I roll the window down and he tells me I have a low tire. Ugh! Seriously? So I get out and look and it's ALL the way flat, like rim on the ground flat. I tell Katy to pull to the air pump that's like 20 feet away. No biggie. But its not holding air, like at all. Again, no biggie, I can change a tire. But the parking lot is basically one big ice sheet/snow drift. So where do I safely jack my car up? I start using my tire iron to chip away at the ice.
That's when a very attractive, or so Katy says, man comes up and asks if we need help. I tell him I'm capable but a man would certainly make things go a lot faster. He busts out this jumbo jack and has my tire changed in no time. He gives me back road instructions for getting into town and sends us on our way. I feel bad that his cigarettes fell in a puddle.
We find a Discount Tire on the GPS, where I recently purchased new tires, and on arrival the guy, Tony, says he's not the same Discount but he'll take care of us. He had it repaired quick and no charge. He even fixed my spare that was also loosing air fast. That flat could have happened anywhere in the middle of nowhere Wyoming. It could have been a blow out. So many little delays led to us being so wonderfully taken care of.
I knew then that there were angles watching over us. But it became more apparent a few days later.
The trip went fine from there until we stopped in Cheyenne for lunch and I forgot to get gas. Gas was 2.73 there so you wouldn't think I'd forget so easily. So we stop at a place outside of town. Katy went inside while I was supposed to use her card to fuel up. I however did not know her zip code. I tried the three I could think of then it locked her card. Oops! I didn't want to "see cahsier" so I planned to just pull to another pump when Katy returned and suggested I just use my own card.
So I do and we go to get back on the road and this man taps on our window. I roll the window down and he tells me I have a low tire. Ugh! Seriously? So I get out and look and it's ALL the way flat, like rim on the ground flat. I tell Katy to pull to the air pump that's like 20 feet away. No biggie. But its not holding air, like at all. Again, no biggie, I can change a tire. But the parking lot is basically one big ice sheet/snow drift. So where do I safely jack my car up? I start using my tire iron to chip away at the ice.
That's when a very attractive, or so Katy says, man comes up and asks if we need help. I tell him I'm capable but a man would certainly make things go a lot faster. He busts out this jumbo jack and has my tire changed in no time. He gives me back road instructions for getting into town and sends us on our way. I feel bad that his cigarettes fell in a puddle.
We find a Discount Tire on the GPS, where I recently purchased new tires, and on arrival the guy, Tony, says he's not the same Discount but he'll take care of us. He had it repaired quick and no charge. He even fixed my spare that was also loosing air fast. That flat could have happened anywhere in the middle of nowhere Wyoming. It could have been a blow out. So many little delays led to us being so wonderfully taken care of.
I knew then that there were angles watching over us. But it became more apparent a few days later.
Monday
Tomorrow
Tomorrow is the birthday of my mommy. The day we celebrate the happy accident that is her life. I had a couple of days last week where I desperately needed her. It's been so many years and still when my heart is hurting or my little soul is in turmoil my first thought is to find my phone and call mom. If I can just talk to her for a minute, I think, then I know everything will be okay. If I could just curl up on the couch with her and watch X-Files, we don't even have to talk, I just want to know she's there. I want to tell her something funny that was said, or about some new adventure. I wish I could say I didn't have those days still but I do. Because you ALWAYS need your mommy.
As my little heart was aching, I learned of the tragedy in Connecticut. I thought instantly of that school full of children desperately needing their moms. So many children feeling that everything would be okay once they saw their mom.
Every year when I have tithing settlement and I have to look over my church record I pause for a minute as I read next to sealed to parents: "born under the covenant." To me there are no three words that mean more to me than those. I had the privilege of being born into an eternal family. There is nothing evil enough in this world to take my family away from me permanently. I tease Kate all the time about being stuck with her forever and I didn't even get to choose her. But the truth is, I'd choose her a million times again. I am grateful that we are sisters forever.
And that is all well and good. But sometimes, while we know we have forever, we are robbed of tomorrow. And it's awful, and it hurts, and we feel like nothing is ever going to be okay again. The truth is, it won't be the same, something will be missing, it will be an adjustment. It will hurt and you'll cry, and it may be a long time before "normal" returns.
For me it took awhile before the promise of eternity helped. In fact at first when people would say "families are forever, at least you know that," I would want to hurt someone. Because families didn't feel forever in that moment. I felt forever had changed and I didn't like it.
As the years go by however, I am more and more aware of her presence in my life. More aware of how happy and proud her kids make her. More aware of how well and often she is watching over me. Happy birthday mom, I'm looking forward to eternity!
As my little heart was aching, I learned of the tragedy in Connecticut. I thought instantly of that school full of children desperately needing their moms. So many children feeling that everything would be okay once they saw their mom.
Every year when I have tithing settlement and I have to look over my church record I pause for a minute as I read next to sealed to parents: "born under the covenant." To me there are no three words that mean more to me than those. I had the privilege of being born into an eternal family. There is nothing evil enough in this world to take my family away from me permanently. I tease Kate all the time about being stuck with her forever and I didn't even get to choose her. But the truth is, I'd choose her a million times again. I am grateful that we are sisters forever.
And that is all well and good. But sometimes, while we know we have forever, we are robbed of tomorrow. And it's awful, and it hurts, and we feel like nothing is ever going to be okay again. The truth is, it won't be the same, something will be missing, it will be an adjustment. It will hurt and you'll cry, and it may be a long time before "normal" returns.
For me it took awhile before the promise of eternity helped. In fact at first when people would say "families are forever, at least you know that," I would want to hurt someone. Because families didn't feel forever in that moment. I felt forever had changed and I didn't like it.
As the years go by however, I am more and more aware of her presence in my life. More aware of how happy and proud her kids make her. More aware of how well and often she is watching over me. Happy birthday mom, I'm looking forward to eternity!
Sunday
Confession
I hate gift giving. It isn't my love language and I'm really bad at it. People get me the most thoughtful gifts and I am amazed. I can not, for the life of me, do the same.
My dad always says that he's easy. But really he's super hard. I hear people say the same thing about me, but I am also easy to buy for.
Anything that has anything to do with any of the following will be treasured:
Baseball
Fishing
Cooking
Knitting
The Civil War
Children's books
Cowboys
Tools
My favorite sports teams:
(Phillies, Utah State, Nebraska)
Easy.
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