Tomorrow is the birthday of my mommy. The day we celebrate the happy accident that is her life. I had a couple of days last week where I desperately needed her. It's been so many years and still when my heart is hurting or my little soul is in turmoil my first thought is to find my phone and call mom. If I can just talk to her for a minute, I think, then I know everything will be okay. If I could just curl up on the couch with her and watch X-Files, we don't even have to talk, I just want to know she's there. I want to tell her something funny that was said, or about some new adventure. I wish I could say I didn't have those days still but I do. Because you ALWAYS need your mommy.

As my little heart was aching, I learned of the tragedy in Connecticut. I thought instantly of that school full of children desperately needing their moms. So many children feeling that everything would be okay once they saw their mom.

Every year when I have tithing settlement and I have to look over my church record I pause for a minute as I read next to sealed to parents: "born under the covenant." To me there are no three words that mean more to me than those. I had the privilege of being born into an eternal family. There is nothing evil enough in this world to take my family away from me permanently. I tease Kate all the time about being stuck with her forever and I didn't even get to choose her. But the truth is, I'd choose her a million times again. I am grateful that we are sisters forever.

And that is all well and good. But sometimes, while we know we have forever, we are robbed of tomorrow. And it's awful, and it hurts, and we feel like nothing is ever going to be okay again. The truth is, it won't be the same, something will be missing, it will be an adjustment. It will hurt and you'll cry, and it may be a long time before "normal" returns.

For me it took awhile before the promise of eternity helped. In fact at first when people would say "families are forever, at least you know that," I would want to hurt someone. Because families didn't feel forever in that moment. I felt forever had changed and I didn't like it.    
As the years go by however, I am more and more aware of her presence in my life. More aware of how happy and proud her kids make her. More aware of how well and often she is watching over me. Happy birthday mom, I'm looking forward to eternity! 

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