You Are Not Dying

You know how if you have a weird pain in you arm or side or something and you WebMD it you always find out you have cancer and are dying? Scary...

Well growing up I had the opposite, which I was reminded of when I came across this article today discussing an outbreak of hantavirus. 

You see when I was a child and would complain about something hurting, and my mom knew it was nothing, she would tell me that I probably had hantavirus and then laugh and laugh at me. Sometime I would be mad, sometimes I would whine that it really did hurt, and sometimes I would laugh too.

Make no mistake however my dear sister would always laugh at me. 

I miss my crazy mom.

A Gem or Two For You

I love to watch the news. I have been watching a lot of RNC coverage, In the process I have come across a few other stories that make me laugh and feel total disgust for the people I share this planet with.

There are more but for the sake of time I will share my three favorites from this morning. 


There was a corn vendor in North Ogden yesterday who accidentally shot himself in the back so he told police he was robbed and shot. How in the world does one accidentally shoot themselves in the back? A foot maybe. And then to top it off by calling it into the cops so as to hide your embarrassment... Which do you think seems more embarrassing?

Or closer to home, in Grand Island the schools are trying to make a 3 year old deaf boy change the sign for his name because it resembles a weapon. Are you kidding me?You want him to change his name! He is three!

And I hope you didn't miss the story about the man in Indiana who flipped off the LDS missionaries, then while distracted, ran his car up a pole and rolled it. Apparently he was struggling to flip off the missionaries, while not dropping his cigarette, and steering his car.

The Best Wife Ever!

"I have the BEST wife ever! She bought me tickets for Superman this weekend!."

"I could not love my wife more. This weekend she taught me how to fold a fitted sheet."

"I seriously have the most awesome wife in the world. This morning she made me pancakes."

Seriously?! These are for real facebook posts from people I really know. Do these things really make you the best wife ever? I can buy Superman tickets. It is super easy and they don't cost that much. I mean I bought movie tickets just this last weekend.

Pancakes? I am giving ten to one odds that they were from a mix and someone just added water. You know what I had for breakfast? I had eggs blackstone. It is like eggs Benedict but with spinach and tomatoes. And I made the hollandaise from scratch. Yesterday I made an omelet with feta cheese and fresh veggies. Ummm... On a weekday, before work, while dancing. Did I ever tell you I make my own syrup? Okay just sayin....

The fitted sheet thing I am not even going to comment on. Okay I will. I was trying to avoid it though because I don't even fold fitted sheets. Okay I concede that maybe I won't be the BEST WIFE EVER! I use the Drew method of folding fitted sheets which basically means I twirl them around in my arms until it forms a nice crumpled lump and shove it in the closet. I do fold towels though.

I mean maybe it is really great that these men are so grateful for the little things. But every time it leaves me thinking that if those things make for a fabulous wife, why am I still on the market? If guys are looking for girls with skills, I got em'. Well maybe not computer hacking skills... but I know people.

My Skills:
I can buy movie tickets
I can buy concert tickets
I can grocery shop 
I can pretend to play the guitar, while dancing
I paint
Sculpt
I can order take out
I can pick up the take out
I can cook you something better at home
I can drive a mini van
I know where we keep the extra rolls of toilet paper
I can find the mustard in the fridge.
I know all the words to Saturday's Warrior
and every Keith Urban song.
I can knit the heck out of some yarn
I can do a Jersey accent
I can keep my office plant alive
I can run for almost an entire mile
I can text without looking
Make a mean cup of herbal tea
Get free things with a wink
I can make ANYONE laugh
I can punch like a boy
I have my own car
I can sing off key

I tell a great bedtime story
I love spicy food
I can make pancakes
Waffles
Crepes
Spanish Omelets. 

I actually have some other skills too. You know ones that matter. Ones that might actually make me a pretty great wife. But I better not give too much away at once. I don't want to price myself out of the market.

Dear Snubs,

Maybe it didn't mean that much to you, but thanks for dinner. Thanks for still being able to order for me after all this time. Thanks for making me laugh like no one else can. Thanks for being brutally honest with me even when it might hurt. Thanks for understanding my heart. Thanks for loving me even though I am a Mormon *gasp*. Thanks for agreeing to go to Chick-fil-a with me, as long as I pay. Thanks for being able to offer a sincere apology and admit when you have been a word I don't say. Thanks for being my "fiance."

S: Annie If I die and I find out that you are right, and I still exist, I still plan on marrying you.
A: Well I am right and you will, but I don't plan on being available.
S: If any part of me, in anyway is alive, if I have any consciousness at all, it is yours.
A: It makes me happy that even if only the tiniest shred of what is you still exists, even that tiny little part will still want to be with me.

Thanks for letting me dislike 'the other girl.' Thanks for finding it a little attractive when I get jealous. Thanks for taking it in stride when that kid openly hit on you and I got ticked. Thanks for being sexy. Thanks for being more than my gay friend. Thanks for being one of the best. Thanks for changing me for the better. Thanks for caring about what I am going through. Thanks for letting me hit on your Dad. Thanks for being okay with me blogging about us. You like it!

Thanks for being MY very own Snubs!

Confession

I am the chubbiest of my entire life.

And I have never liked the way I look more than I do now.

 

I realize that in a few months I will be thirty.

While that kind of makes me panic. 

 

I like to think I am pretty.

I am never going to be 16 again. 

Thank goodness!

If, with age comes beauty,

and I find that I grow up to look just like my mom.

I will be thrilled.

And just like her....

I don't plan to stop acting 16 anytime soon.

Defending My Boys: A Dating Rant

*Warning* When I said rant I meant it.

A couple of weeks ago I was sitting in a room with a lot of single ladies. Somehow it turned into a boy bashing session.One girl said "all the boys I know are bums that live in their parents basement and play video games. I am sick of finding these men." Then another would reply with "I just think boys in general are lazy. They don't ask girls out anymore."

I am afraid I may have been a little too harsh when I finally piped up. "Where are you finding these men? All the guys I know are hiking, camping, fishing, playing soccer or frisbee, grilling, having bonfires, riding, running, or working 12 hour days. AND they are ALL dating frequently. They just aren't dating you. The first and most necessary step to changing this would be to NEVER let a boy hear you talking like this. You stink of desperation and negativity, this will almost always put you at the bottom of the pack. I am thinking now of all my best guy friends and I can only think of one who has a gaming system, and when he gets it out he always invites me over to kick his butt at Mario Kart."

I am obviously no expert on dating. But I needed to defend the amazingly good, righteous men in my life who are trying so hard to do the right things. Give them a break ladies.

Ladies, I know it is hard, and there are lonely times, and you worry that time is running out, but don't be that girl. Be the girl who likes herself and the men in her life, respect them, they are trying I swear they are, and they are GOOD men. Seriously the men I know are so good, and there is SO much pressure on them at this stage in their life.

Oh one more thing: I have a friend who is ridiculously righteous, attractive, successful, kind and funny. The last 9 girls he asked out said no! Seriously? Seriously!?

Bear Lake for a Jersey Girl

I know a million of you have already seen our bear lake pictures from facebook and instagram.

I would like to share just one little story and a video though.

After I just tell you that we drove all the way around the lake.

It kinda reminded me of Jeresy. Which leads me to my story.

We were out swimming in the lake...

It was seriously the prettiest day and the water was so warm. I know that seems like an oxymoron because we all know Bear Lake is NEVER warm. But it was, I swear. Now to the story. We some how, if you know me you are not surprised, became part of a stranger's synchronized swim team.

It was so much fun and somewhere near the end they did or said something that prompted me to say:
M: We don't do things like that in Jersey!
H: What part of Jersey are you from?
*No one is ever from my part of Jersey, not ever!*
M: Woodstown, the pretty part, farmland and the beach, you know the town where Cowtown is.
H: We are from Woodstown! We lived there for a year and then got a place in Mullica Hill.
M: Um seriously?
*Not believing but wondering how they knew about Mullica Hill.*
H: So are youz guyz from Woodstown or is is just the closest town you thought we'd recognize because of Cowtown?
M: No I am really from Woodstown and the youz guyz gave you away! You are really from Jersey!

My heart melted and it now a part of Bear Lake permanently. How can I go back every single weekend?

Use the following link to observe some of our fun. I am the one in the black swim top near the end.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxCNuHb2OAQ&feature=youtu.be