I just miss her.

So today a friend sent me an email of much importance to my hotmail account. I haven't checked this account in a very long time. Consequently, I was deleting the 205 unread messages, (5 or so that were from a guy I broke up with 5 years ago. What is he doing emailing me still?) so back to the point...

I still have a couple of emails from my mom. I almost couldn't open them. She addressed them to Reese, I miss her calling me Reese. I mean my entire family and some really close friends call me that but it just isn't the same.

There were also all the emails I received from friends in the first few days after the accident. Strangely enough the first email was from my friend Peet, she was living in the Czech Republic at the time. News travels so fast. I am so grateful for so many good friends who were there for me through all of that.

I am also grateful for the good friends that are still here for me on nights like tonight when it just sweeps over me that I have to be without her for the rest of this life. I can go on a great date and she isn't there to call and pry every detail from me. I have to get married someday without her, I have to have babies without her there to just be my mommy.

I know I'll be with her again and that she is eternally my mom. But tonight I just miss her. Even though I have complete faith in my Heavenly Father, is it ok if sometimes I still just wonder what was he thinking? I still need her!