1000 Memories and 6 years

I have been insanely happy lately. It's true. Typically today is a hard day for me. It is hard because I know it is THE day. The day my life changed forever. I struggle because throughout the day I imagine the accident. I imagine her hurting, I am imagine her being scared. I imagine her being stubborn and refusing to go. I remember what it sounds like to hear "There was an accident." I remember what 5 missed calls from home means. I remember, Imagine, and I kinda fall apart. A dear friend recently told me that the reason loss is hard is because we know what could have been and we are not only robbed of them in that moment but also robbed of a future  that no longer exists.

This year I didn't even realize the day was approaching until someone else mentioned it. Ironically I had just created this website for my mom because my Logan boy was only 6 when mom passed away. It breaks my heart that he doesn't remember her. But more importantly it is breaking his. He was robbed of so many more futures that I was. I asked for contributions from friends and family and I myself have added a story and will add many more.

Many of you have already contributed and I am indebted to you. One friend contributed this, that may have been submitted for Logan and others but was meant for me: "I got a phone call one morning asking if I knew of a Cindy Hall. I told her yes. She said she just heard that she was in an accident. I raced over to the hospital to see if there was something I could do for her. I raced into the hospital asking to see her, leaving the babies in the van with it running. "No Cindy Hall Admitted Here". I was driving over to Debbie's when I saw a Deputy at the emergency exit. I parked in the middle of the street and ran over to the Officer asking about Cindy. He just hugged me as he caught me when he said......"She's gone!!!!!" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I got to the van.... I cannot believe Cindy talked to me, on the radio was the song from Mercy Me....I can only imagine! Tears rushed down my face as it is now. She was HAPPY, FREE, LOVED, and in front of our Savior! I wanted to be standing or kneeling or singing right next to her. I was angry with her that She was in HEAVEN! Then My thoughts went to her children, to Logan, the "baby". My heart cried for them!

To the Hall Kids! She loved you! She Loves You. She does MORE for you in Heaven then she ever could physically for you on the earth! What a great blessing that is to all of you!"

What a blessing. How in the world can it be a blessing that I have no mom? How can it be a blessing that Logan will never know his mom in this life? Let me tell you. I am blessed to have a certain knowledge through sacred experiences that families are forever. I am blessed as Shanon said to have a mom who can do more for us from the other side. I am blessed to have a mom who can continually look over me. I am blessed to have a mom that looks over my friends, again experiences too sacred to detail here. I am blessed by two of the most precious new siblings a girl could ask for, whom I love more than words can express, and they are mine for eternity. I have been blessed with a friendship with my stepmom that is literally a sealed friendship. I am blessed by a myriad of new experiences that have taught me self reflection, better communication, selflessness, humility, and the ability to apologize. I am blessed by the increase in my reliance and love of my Savior. I have been blessed by my ability to empathize and thus bless others.

I have been blessed. Yesterday I listened numerous times to the song referenced in our friends experience. My mom calmed her heart with this song and today my heart has also been calmed by it. How amazing it would be to be held by The Savior. How amazing to learn at his feet. To not only be surround by friends and family you met in this life but many more you loved just as strongly before.

To my mom, I miss you, but more than anything today I am jealous of you. I can hardly wait until we meet again.

To readers: If you have a thought, memory, story, picture, etc. Even a story I told you please contribute. You can log into the site with your Facebook account. Or you can simply email me and I will post it for you. (anniehall263@gmail.com)