Sometimes I get jealous. You see my mom is around a lot. A LOT. However, I am rarely the one who takes note of it. But I have a few friends who are very aware of her presence (Cam, Zacula, Lolly) . I also have a few friends I know she likes a lot. A LOT! I even have one friend who in his darkest hour had a very cool interaction with her. I won't record it here but if you want to ask, I'll tell you the story.
Well what the heck? I don't mind sharing but, I need her too. Seriously.
Tonight though I took my bed apart. I took it down the stairs and outside by myself. It's really big, taller than me big. I took it outside to stain it and do some repairs. I turned my iPod to Alabama and cranked it (the neighbors like it.) About halfway through, as content as can be, I realized mom was there.
Then other thoughts came to my mind, times when I know she is with me.
She would never let her girls go fishing without her. Never. She would never let her girls go to a Keith Urban concert and dance in the front row without her. She would never let me come home from a date without a full report. She would never miss all five of her kids sitting at a restaurant just chatting while the staff shuts the place down. She would never let me cry my little heart out without cuddling up with me and stroking my hair. She would never let Cam, Megan, and her girls stalk ”The Hamster” without her. She would never miss the opportunity to pamper me when I'm sick.
Dave says I shouldn't be jealous. He says she's around me all the time, I just don't notice it because I'm so used to her. Tonight while I was working on my bed, I realized that I was in another moment she wouldn't have missed. I realized Dave is right, there are more moments than I realize that she wouldn't miss for anything.
Sometimes, like when I almost died a few months ago her presence was so strong in the room she was as close to a physical presence as a spiritual being can be. Others, like tonight it is just a whisper in my heart, a closeness I can't explain. It's knowing she needs me as much as I need her.