He's Got This

I thought it was probably time I recorded, at least for myself, the story of how I ended up in my new job.

I had felt for awhile, 6 months or so, Dave might remember better, that something in my life needed to change. I felt stagnant and I felt that I wasn't truly appreciated in my job. I felt that no matter how hard I tried they were always going to see me as a glorified secretary, because that was my original position. I very much loved the people I worked with and I miss some of them desperately.

The day before Thanksgiving I was at work late trying to update inventory for one of my online retails before cyber Monday. My boss called with a request, I felt stressed out and was already staying late. I asked if it could wait until Monday and it became a fight. Again I love my boss, but communication had of recently come to a stand still and I left for the break in tears. I determined that if on Monday he apologized I would stay, If he brought up the incident at all I was looking for a new job.

What they didn't know was the week before I had interviewed with the engineering firm Kyle worked for.  The pay was twice as much as what I was making and they had interviewed a lot of people and I had been on top until they hired their last interviewee, a former CEO. Weird, but I will conceded that I didn't have THOSE skills. But what I did come away with was that it shouldn't be hard to find another job. There was an engineering firm that had wanted me, I had impressed all 4 of the principles of the company and I was confident.

Monday came and I was given an official warning for my attitude. Kyle helped me put together a resume that night and I went over and we applied for every job opening on KSL we could find.

Me: This one is in Park City
Kyle: Apply for it.
Me: This one is the same pay I'm making now
Kyle: Apply for it
Me: Could I manage an animal hospital?
Kyle: Apply for it

The thought was the more things I applied for the greater opportunity Heavenly Father had to give me the best fit. I struggled. What if I don't deserve the blessings that I am asking for? How can I say Heavenly Father please help me find a job I will love, for a stable company, when I didn't read my scriptures last night? Silly maybe, I had my doubts but also felt oddly full of faith. I had done what I could.

I was called the next day for an interview with Northstar Builders. I went in and the interview went horribly. I mean really horribly. At the engineering firm I left thinking that they loved me and I had that job. Which they did, and I almost had. When I left the builders I knew I didn't have a chance.

They called me on my back to work. "We forgot to ask you a question. What is your benefit package like right now?" I knew they were putting an offer together for me. They offered me the job the next morning. I didn't stop to pray about it, I didn't think twice. I went in and quit. I was touched when the owner hugged me and said "I have never had an employee that will be as hard to loose as you are." He offered to work out of the office more to keep an eye on how I was treated. He offered to talk to me about more money, that he really didn't want to pay and he had already given me a 15% raise just months earlier. In that moment, all of a sudden it was a hard decision. I realized what I was giving up. I had made friendships, and built trust and I was going to miss that place.

The last piece to fall into place was where to live. You see my roommate was getting married and I kind of hated our apartment and didn't want to live there. Also the new office was super far east in Salt Lake and not close to any freeways so commuting was not going to be my favorite all the way into Davis County everyday. I turned again to KSL and nothing felt right. I finally found one I thought I really liked. The landlord called to set things up with me "And your roommate is John, is that going to be a problem for you?" Back to square one. That's when my good friend Kayla texted me. We have a spot for you in our house.

The house is less than a mile from my office. The rent is so cheap, like basically free. The neighborhood is lovely. It is a home, so I can have my grill and hammock and garden. I love my ward and my neighbor Pete who keeps an eye on us.

Oh and the new job is more that I could hope for. We build high end custom homes and I am the manager. I am treated with respect and as an equal. "Let's go to lunch and discuss this." I don't get left out anymore.  And I still get advice about my personal life. In my last job it was more the advice of a tender father. In this job it is "Annie you need to get your *stuff* together." Which is also truth.

Heavenly Father's got this. When I stop resisting change and let Him take over He always amazes me with what he can do with my life.

Round of Confessions

I can’t stand the smell of Subway. It smells so bad. If I want Subway I have to get it from somewhere where the store is part of a bigger store, so the smell isn't as strong. I can walk past a stranger and tell instantly if they have been to subway that day. That smells sticks like glue. Ugh!

I love drinking songs. Amanda and I have a list that we enjoy. Her ringtone on my phone is a clip of our favorite one. I don’t even care. Add it to my list of favorite sins. You can judge us if you want, totally cool. I’d judge me.

I have given up speeding, for the most part, so there is room on the favorite sin list. That is how it works right?

Sometimes I put people on friendship timeout. Don’t smother me. I will smother you when it is convenient for me.

I have a favorite in my primary class. I wish I could take him home and keep him forever. He is far from the best behaved child in my class.

People ask me what diet I am on when they notice my weight loss. How do I tell them that I really just eat a lot of air popped popcorn? Oh and I cut out Diet Coke. That never lasts as long as I wish it did though. I am an addict in true form, but am trying to change that.

Apparently when you delete pictures from google+ it also deletes them everywhere else they appear in google.... Like on your blog. So my blog looks a little disheveled right now.  I'll fix it. I promise. I also need to add some people to the Cast of Characters tab... So you know who Amanda is.

For now just know she is a new bestie, and I am corrupting her in all the best ways. 

Kyle

Kyle: What are you up to tonight?

Me: Going to see Walter Mitty with K and E.

Kyle: I Don’t want to see that movie

Me: You aren't invited

Kyle: Fine I’ll come

Longing For Home

Yesterday was not the first time that someone I dearly love has tried to take their own life. Unfortunately I have had a friend go through with it before… a best friend. A friend I thought knew I was there for him no matter what. I know mental health has nothing to do with how much I care about someone, but I wish it did.

I received quite a few messages from friends telling me that they had been in that place themselves. I was shocked by the people who admitted it to me. Most of them seemed to me, to be people who have their lives together. Why would they feel the need to end it?

I've been pondering on this and have found a place in my heart where I can empathize. I have never been in that place where ending my life ever felt like an option, nor has it ever been something I desired. I have had hard times. Heart breaking times. Every time in my darkest hours my deepest desire is to go home. That used to be an option for me. I’d hop in my car and in a few hours I was home. When I am home with mom and dad everything is ok. It didn't matter what I was going through it was all ok if I was with them.

That isn't an option anymore. Mom is gone, for now, and so is home. I can go visit my dad if I want, I am always welcome there but I am a guest. I no longer have access to the healing powers of home. When things get bad now my heart turns to the only other home I've known. The one my mind does not remember but my heart does, my heavenly home. I understand the appeal of the other side. Not because life isn't worth facing, or because I want to feel numb, but simply because I want to be home where everything is ok, where happiness fills every part of my soul, where you are loved unconditionally. I miss that. I crave that.

I think we have all felt a yearning for home that is beyond anything in this life. In that emotion I can sympathize.