In the middle of the night, when I am thinking about things, I always come up with ideas I want to blog about. I'm getting better at realizing which ones I'll desperately want to delete first thing in the morning when I've come to my senses. So this will be short.
I still haven't decided if more stressful things just happen to me this time of year, or if I develop a mind set that allows normal things to feel more stressful. Either way I am feeling it.
I've been struggling lately with a few things that leave my heart aching and broken. It's a horrible cycle you know. An aching heart makes you need your mom. Then you become more aware that she isn't here. Then your heart aches all the more.
I really hate this holiday and I know I shouldn't. Everything on TV, in the stores, on billboards, in talks at church, are reminders of how important and essential moms are. It's like the world is screaming at me ”look what you don't have! Seriously everyone has one but you.” It's super sweet when people say ”come to family dinner with me, you can share mine.” But really it just makes it that much harder and all I'm hearing is ”come see how good i've got it.”
Sometimes I post these great things about how great she is. How I know she's mine forever. How I know The Lord is compensating me. How I know she is around me all the time. I've even had some really cool experiences lately in regard to that. But this time around, tonight, tomorrow even... I just feel an amazing horrible emptiness.
And that's ok.
I still haven't decided if more stressful things just happen to me this time of year, or if I develop a mind set that allows normal things to feel more stressful. Either way I am feeling it.
I've been struggling lately with a few things that leave my heart aching and broken. It's a horrible cycle you know. An aching heart makes you need your mom. Then you become more aware that she isn't here. Then your heart aches all the more.
I really hate this holiday and I know I shouldn't. Everything on TV, in the stores, on billboards, in talks at church, are reminders of how important and essential moms are. It's like the world is screaming at me ”look what you don't have! Seriously everyone has one but you.” It's super sweet when people say ”come to family dinner with me, you can share mine.” But really it just makes it that much harder and all I'm hearing is ”come see how good i've got it.”
Sometimes I post these great things about how great she is. How I know she's mine forever. How I know The Lord is compensating me. How I know she is around me all the time. I've even had some really cool experiences lately in regard to that. But this time around, tonight, tomorrow even... I just feel an amazing horrible emptiness.
And that's ok.
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